I Suck

Like....a total Sucky McSuckington kinda suck.  All this time has gone by, and I failed to remember that I have an e-mail account through my web hosting service.  Today I found it.  It had over 1500 e-mails.  WTF?  Of course a lot were junk, but there were a bunch regarding guest blogs and product reviews.  Well damn.

So uh, I now have that e-mail bookmarked and in plain sight.  So if you e-mail me, I'll actually see it this time!

You've lost someone.  One of the most instrumental human beings in your life.  I'm sorry.  I can say that I've been there, and I have.  I can say I understand the pain, and I do.  I could tell you that it gets easier with time.  But then I would be lying.  Because it doesn't.  It just gets different.  Nothing I could say can ever make things better.  So I just don't say anything.  Nothing anyone ever said to me ever made me feel better.  Even though I know they meant well.  That part of your life, the huge chunk that is no longer there, is going to suck.  Nothing will ever fill it completely. 

What I can say is this.  I love you.  I have since the moment I met you. I always will.  There isn't another person in this lifetime that I'd rather be with and have as my partner, the father of my babies, my best friend and my husband.  You are my one.  I wish I could just make it all better.  I can't.  If I could, I'd take the pain you feel into myself, so you wouldn't have to feel it.  I can't do that either.  Makes me kinda good for nothing doesn't it?  Except for one thing.  I love you and that will not change.  Always remember that.  You are my other half, the part of me that was always missing.  Let me be that for you.  Let me do the one small thing I'm good at.  Let me comfort you, be your safe place, your shoulder, the one you never need to cover up your feelings with.  It isn't much.  But it's all I have.

Earthquake Schmerthquake

I didn't feel it.  Not a thing.  I wasn't sleeping or half comatose from lack of sleep, I was just chilling out with my kids watching a movie.  I'm not saying there wasn't one, just that I didn't get to feel it.  So I'm slightly pissy about it....I miss out on some of the more exciting things like that.  Happily, no one was hurt.  But yanno...it might have been cool. 

The knee jerk panic that occurred, well it was a bit dramatic, but I mean come on, imagine 30" of snow dropping on LA.  If you've never dealt with something like that, then yeah, people are going to go a little nuts.  Looks like people did return to normal quickly.  So kudos peeps!  We are a bunch of the awesome!

Not Cut Out For This?

First let me say I make no excuses for my absence.  I have none.  I was a lazy bish and completely uninspired for a really long time.  Don't get me wrong, I've not had a revelation that has wisked me back into the world of blogging.  I just, felt like writing.

I've been going about this the wrong way.  See, I started a blog so I could express myself, share my experiences as a mom, wife and a woman.  Somehow I got completely derailed and began thinking that I had to be like other *bloggy moms*.  You know....those ladies who always manage to have kick ass content, tons of followers, 10 pages of comments, Twitter & Facebook stalkers (the good kind, not the I should call the police kind) and can pound out great posts on a near daily basis.  They go to conferences and they have sponsors and are requested to do product reviews...the list goes on.

Truth be told, I don't think that is for me.  I mean if I worked as hard as those ladies do I'm sure I could do it.  But that wasn't a thought when I started this blog.  I know it isn't really a *job* persay for other blog moms, some were just lucky enough to have all things align in the right place for them and they have the natural talent for it.  I say...."You freakin' go ladies!"  I commend you for being able to rock that blogging for fun and to your advantage.

As for me, I'm not.  If I don't have loads of followers, page views, comments, and twitter chatter back and forth, that's OK.  I'm going to blog, when I can and about the things I feel like writing about.  It may not be riveting reading, exceptional or current content, but this blog was born out of my desire to jot my thoughts down.  Regardless of content.  I appreciate the followers I do have, and all my twitter and FB friends.  I will still follow my favorite bloggy Mommas too and marvel how they have the drive and dedication to make their blogs amazing. 

How about you?  Have you ever felt this way?